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My heart was broken today… I scanned the pages of my sister’s diary (hilabtunun jud!) and I read something that made my heart cry.
I was never a good daughter. I never was. I will never be.
I was never a good sister. I never was. I will never be.
I am of no good. God! HOW I WANTED TO SCREAM! She said that I always have wanted to be on top… to have all the praises of men… selfish, annoying… but she hadn’t seen my sacrifices because she never cared at all… she never heard my heart’s cries because she never cared to listen… she never cared to understand… she never wanted me… I am unwanted in this family, am I not? I never had the attention of my parent’s… never had their love…

I often ask, did they even love me? accept me as I am? They always articulate my selfishness, my irksome attitude… argh… give me a break, will you? I dreamt of a happy family, but what did I get? A family who views me as the doormat one. Rugged. Blacksheep.

Father, you aren’t sleeping, are you? Have you heard my heart’s cry? Or you’re also not willing to heed the bellows of my soul?? Father?

I am dying… Chronicle… please tell Jesus I am hurtin’ too much. He just won’t listen to me…

With no one to talk to… no shoulder to cry on… ALONE.

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j-a-m-e-e