my mundane aches...

I often wonder if love is never a necessity. Few people whom I knew survived without a "love-life". And one thing's common to all of them, they love themselves and they love the world... just as I am... I belong to everyone but no one owns me...

So, my dear friends, I think my denominator is that, love becomes a necessity if and only if (char!) you made it so. That you can't live with it. Think of love as a verb and not a feeling. Learn to love first yourself and of course, our God.

You may be wondering why I'm prattling all of these and at the same time, my life contradicts to it. Yeah, I may have my Neil... who've been my greatest confidant... but I see to it that my love for him doesn't exceed to my love for Him... and I'm doing a good job. haha.

*time to say bye!*

*j-a-m-e-e*

ooops! its jamee!

I'm JANINE ARIANNE MAE SAGAYSAY - FEROLINO
--unorthodox
--I refuse to follow the crowd
--intellectually independent
--persistent
--liberal
--fixed in opinion
--seeker of knowledge
--rational
--open-minded
--gifted with breath of vision
--objective in judgment
--I stand outside myself
--I rise above ordinary human frailty
--outgoing
--amiable
--I relate well to diverse personalities-- possessing a true common touch
yet I never lose my own strong individuality.
-- has great tolerance for the weaknesses and foibles.
--humanitarian, concerned with the welfare of the world
--I do not get deeply involved in intimate relationships
--almost aloof or detached
-- Independence is my way of life. I will sacrifice even a close
personal relationship in order to maintain it.
--idealist
--I follow my dreams
--imaginative
--creative
--I hate the drudgery of detail and the minutiae of management
--my greatest weakness is a tendency to inflate my own importance,
to pose as an expert on any subject. :'c
--determined
--eccentric
--I am argumentative not because I feel deeply, but simply because
I enjoy the intellectual exercise.
--I am quickly bored and take delight inverbally provoking
anyone I consider stodgy and dull. :'c
--easygoing
--reasonable
--slow to take offense
--never mean hearted
--I believe in live-and-let-live
--helpful
--altruistic
--courteous but elusive
--when faced with a head-on approach, I tend to retreat.
--interested in books, art or scientific matters.
--I am fascinated by hobbies and gadgets.
--not a steak-and-potatoes person.
--I prefer to be in a little place that features a
quiet existence with a few close friends.
--I am delighted with the different
--never nag me about a mistake.
I acknowledge one readily enough, but then forget it.
--paradoxical in love as I am in everything else
--I belong to everyone, and yet to no one.
--my love can be tender and inspired but there
will always be a vaguely elusive quality about it.
--I demand for freedom
--I behave like a clumsy bear in romantic situations
-- ABOVE ALL, I am God's creation but I am nowhere near perfect.

The Rain

He is as the rain that comes in the night

He gives the relief from heat

He gives the warmth i need to survive

The true reason i am still alive

He gives the cause for me to smile

He makes every time

That comes worthwhile

He is the reason i am a lady

who longs for the touch of his life

A lady who wants to give him

The world, the riches of her love

He is the reason why i am still here

The reason why one stays

But then who said that rain remains?

long forgotten prayer, now renewed.

…Father God,

I come before You in prayer and in faith, believing in Your promises. Thank You Lord for giving me confidence in Your word when You said, ‘I have plans for You, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ And I am holding on it Lord. And I thank You that your strength has made perfect in my weakness. I am weak and You are strong and You are able to do exceedingly abundant above all I could ever ask a thing. Father, help me for this day I go out into the world alone and without You to guide me I will wander far from the path which leads to success and happiness. Keep my family safe as they too, go to their respective works. Enlighten my understanding so that I may be able to grasp whatever lessons in school and even in life I may encounter. Help me to remain humble through obstacles and failures. Bathe me in good habits that the bad ones may drown. Yet grant me compassion for weaknesses in others. Fill my cup with love to turn strangers into friend. But be all these things be only if Thy will, Lord. Let me become all you planned for me when my seed was planted and selected by you to sprout in the vineyard of the world. This I ask in Your mighty name, JesusChrist. Amen.

…Father God,

I am here… dwelling in Your presence, in Your love… I humble myself before You, Father. I am Your beloved, Your creation, Your child… Father, thank you for giving me a confidant … for giving me a person who gives me love and splendid memories… Father God, I haven’t felt like this before… I love him Father… I just love him… I cry out to You my pains and happiness… God, bless our relationship that we become stronger and stronger each passing storm… that You’ll be the center of our lives… we face each day with a smiling heart… never let the fear and doubts be within us… bind our love with loyalty and trust.

Father, Neil is one of Your most precious gifts in my life… You gave him when my faith was slowly, painfully pulling me down… in the saddest days of my life… Thank You Father, I dunno how to thank You enough… Bless him and his family, give them strength to face the stumbling blocks and look up to You… give them their needs oh God… I believe in Your word that “I planned something better for You so that only together with You would they be made perfect…”… bless them God… and Neil, Father, give him vigor to face each day with a smile… to worship You Father… for him to look up to You and lean not on his own understanding… give him good health Lord, guide him in every path he will choose to take… Let him know how I love him Father… with You and with him will I be happy Father…

“…for You make me glad by Your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of Your hands. How great are Your works, O Lord; how profound Your thoughts! ”

I will be forever thankful Father… this I ask in Your mighty name, JesusChrist, Amen.

welcome me oh... blogspot.

My heart was broken today… I scanned the pages of my sister’s diary (hilabtunun jud!) and I read something that made my heart cry.
I was never a good daughter. I never was. I will never be.
I was never a good sister. I never was. I will never be.
I am of no good. God! HOW I WANTED TO SCREAM! She said that I always have wanted to be on top… to have all the praises of men… selfish, annoying… but she hadn’t seen my sacrifices because she never cared at all… she never heard my heart’s cries because she never cared to listen… she never cared to understand… she never wanted me… I am unwanted in this family, am I not? I never had the attention of my parent’s… never had their love…

I often ask, did they even love me? accept me as I am? They always articulate my selfishness, my irksome attitude… argh… give me a break, will you? I dreamt of a happy family, but what did I get? A family who views me as the doormat one. Rugged. Blacksheep.

Father, you aren’t sleeping, are you? Have you heard my heart’s cry? Or you’re also not willing to heed the bellows of my soul?? Father?

I am dying… Chronicle… please tell Jesus I am hurtin’ too much. He just won’t listen to me…

With no one to talk to… no shoulder to cry on… ALONE.

----

j-a-m-e-e